On Weddings and Writings

As I try to find time to both plan a wedding and continue my normal writing schedule, I find something has to give. So far it's been sleep. I also find that as I try to write my mind is focused on everything but writing. I'm sure all writers have days, or weeks of scanty focus.

Yesterday, in the middle of a day of mind wandering, I received another rejection from an agent. Ouch! Nothing like a rejection to make ones mind do a 360. So I decided to pull weeds. Weed pulling after a rejection? Priceless!

I walked outside among the trays of orange, yellow and red blossoms I had planted for the backyard reception and discovered at least a third of my blossoms had been replaced with scanty stems. WHAT? Among the barren stems were slender trails of what appeared to be snot. My flower beds had been the host of a massive snail party. I pictured them texting all their buddies and their buddies texting all their buddies to slither on over to a freshly planted smorgasboard.

THIS WAS WAR! And, I wasn't about to kill my dogs with snail bait so...

I got my Mac gun and loaded my Google ammo and discovered snails like beer. Hmmm. I decided to give them a party they would never forget.

Now let me first inform you that I'm not a drinker. Nor have I ever bought beer. I picked up my son from his Driver's Ed class and we marched over to a gas station where I didn't think I would see anyone I knew.

We walked in to get my beer and I saw my neighbor, who is one of the only people I know who had 3 of their children at one time serving a Mormon Mission. She was filling her car with gas and I hope she didn't see me ducking and hiding and carrying the largest can of beer I could find with my 15 year old son in tow. The can was the size of a small trash can. But this was war and people do things they can't be held accountable for, right? After all, it's not like I was going to drink it.

I decided I needed to inform people of the fact that I was in fact not going to drink this gynormous can of beer. I waltzed up to the counter, set the small trash can down, and said, "This is my first time buying beer." What? Why did I say that? I sounded like an idiot. The two ladies at the counter looked at me with both their heads cocked sideways.

I had to follow with, "Snails like beer and I plan on getting them all drunk and drowning them in it." I gazed around to see if my neighbor had walked in to hear my announcement. She wasn't there, but plenty of other people were and they were all staring at me. I don't think I care to know what they were thinking. Obviously the two ladies behind the counter were well versed in selling liquor and had this look that said, "yeah whatever woman."

I paid and my son grabbed the bag and we left. I realized of course what that looked like.

After we set up our half-buried plastic cups and went to bed I couldn't wait to see what we would discover in the morning.

Call me heartless, but oh the satisfaction! Sure enough a couple of the cups had snails that got so drunk they drowned. About a foot away from the cup was a pile of snails that looked like they had had a great party and had a hangover. Of course, I've had to keep my dogs away from lapping up the concoction, but better a drunk dog than a dead one!

I hope my flowers can come back in time for my daughter's wedding reception!